my antediluvian baby

my fondest wish:

2011-01-23T22:13:00.002-05:00

wheaties

2011-01-22T03:19:00.007-05:00

The yellow tones in this painting by Egon Schiele, Field of Flowers, are almost perfectly reflected in Andy Warhol's Do It Yourself (Landscape). They were painted about sixty years apart. I Really Love these paintings.

I also Really Love doing Google Image searches for paintings and then seeing them all lined up in little rectangles next to each other like pretty floor tiles in a surrealist bathroom. I imagine it filled with mirrors, of course. The sink would be trompe l'oeil (not really a sink at all!), the shower would be fur-lined...and, well, you already know what the toilet would look like.

mamihlapinatapai,

2010-12-27T01:42:00.005-05:00

according to the Guinness Book of World Records 1993, is the hardest known word to translate . It comes from the Yaghan language of Tierra del Fuego, an archipelago off of the very tip of the bottom of South America. Tierra del Fuego, or the beautifully-named "Land of Fire," is considered to be a part of Patagonia.

"Mamihlapinatapai" signifies the look that two people share when they are silently acknowledging that they each wish the other would initiate something that they both want to happen, or basically the precedent to every makeout session ever.

As if this weren't interesting enough already, the word has taken on new meaning in terms of game theory. It describes the volunteer's dilemma, which is all about sacrifice as a part of utilitarianism and makes me a teense uncomfortable when I think about it, so you can just read about it instead of me wincing my way through an explanation.

Or this could be a text version of a mamihlapinatapai where you, the reader, are just all like, "I don't want to read this whole stupid article, just sum it up" in your head while I am going, "I don't want to describe this because it weirds me out, so you should just read it" as I am typing this.

In closing, I will never have this conversation out loud because I cannot pronounce that crayfish word.

i can't imagine anything more beautiful than this

2010-12-11T02:47:00.001-05:00

Wait for the end, play it on three- or four-peat at least. I can't even.

opening ceremony x pendleton

2010-12-09T03:41:00.008-05:00

I know I'm late on this one, but if I owned this dress, I would wear it every fucking day. Lucky for me, it's on sale!!!...for $326.00. Shitfuck.

Video: "Zodiac Shit," Flying Lotus

2010-12-06T22:01:00.003-05:00

I just wrote an e-mail to Adam "lilfuchs" Fuchs, who animated this video. It read:

Subject: You

rule, your art rules.

Best,
Amy Rose Spiegel

I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one hundred per cent.

first draft

2010-12-04T00:04:00.001-05:00

That first kiss tastes like chilly seas.
Penelope's marigold breath breathes the mountainous story they shared
Back into those briny lungs. He doesn't tell her much.
Instead, he takes her, hands locked and leading, to bed.

It's hard to picture what a blossom face looks like in the middle of the ocean.
Penelope thinks of him on an alien island, remembering
As he fingers the petals of a marigold in some other lover's hair.

She got by through these simple processes:
Running a brush through her hair and thread through a loom.
It's so hard to shuffle around, waiting.
Penelope suffered, she must have.

Penelope thinks of him on an alien island, remembering
Him squinting sleepily in their morning bed
And trying to determine what defines extraordinariness.
Are you lonesome tonight, Penelope? You would laugh at that song.

"her vibes are rather reckless": on '90s nostalgia

2010-10-26T00:35:00.011-04:00

The recent resurgence of every amazing alternative band/figure from Evan Dando to Guided By Voices (not to mention some band called Pavement that I've never heard of...PSYCH! Sorry, but this is a '90s post and I had to use era-appropriate humor, yanno?) had me nostalgic for the music I used to love back then. Then I remembered that I was in the single digits until after the new millennium had passed and was not eligible, really, to get all moony as though for the second time about these cats.

What did I actually listen to in the '90s? A shit ton of Elton John and B*Witched, from what I can remember. Fun fact: I recently found a list of dream dinner guests that I made when I was nine. Both of the aforementioned are on it, as well as Elizabeth I, my classroom pals from the fourth grade, and this guy:

^ Still holds.

Chris Farley was the funniest part of the '90s, even funnier than PSYCH! A close second was Dumb and Dumber, which I have discovered can be quoted from extensively by anyone you have ever met and will ever meet.

I was at a party at Glasslands a few months ago and heard the DJ put on something strangely familiar. Why did I know every word to this condescending jam about a vegetarian girlfriend?
Then I realized two things: Firstly, the song, "New Age Girl" by Deadeye Dick (?) was from the Dumb and Dumber soundtrack, which was the equivalent of, say, Alien Lanes to me back then. Secondly, the track and video together are basically all I actually remember about the decade in a nutshell: Jumpy bass, alternative assholes in bad sunglasses, and an aesthetic that makes it look like an episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete.

I can't embed the real video, which you must watch here. Seriously, don't miss it. The jack o' lantern heads are perfect for Halloween! A secret? I still kind of like it, especially when he sings the first "Mary Moon" of the chorus. That "RUH!" will always be inexcusable, though.

past presents

2010-10-24T21:56:00.014-04:00

An incomplete list of meaningful/expensive gifts that I have lost or are otherwise gone from my possession somehow:

- A fawn-colored leather diary with my initials monogrammed onto the corner. I used it from my junior year of high school to my freshman year of college. My first serious boyfriend gave it to me. I even mention it on my very first Must List, made when I was seventeen. I have no idea where the fuck it could be. I like thinking that someone stole it and intends to use it to blackmail me later in life. Exciting!

- An antique pocketknife with an opalescent handle that my parents bought me in an antique store when I was eight or nine. The blade was really rusty. I love pocketknives, although I always lose the tiny scissors and gross toothpick, neither of which really work anyway. I have a tiny bubblegum-pink Swiss Army knife now, which, come to think of it, I haven't seen recently and may have lost as well. It, too, is from my dad.

- A pin from K Records headquarters in Seattle given to me by my fiancee. You can probably see why I thought this gift ruled in some other entries from high school. My feelings haven't changed since then! Well, not about K, anyway. (That kind of looks like I mean my feelings about ketamine, but I've never had any feelings about it besides that it's peculiar that you can basically only make it if you're a dog pharmacist. "Drug-dealing veterinarian" seems to be a character type too niche for people to ever have to worry about ketamine being too prevalent in our schoolz. It's got to be such a small group of people producing it.)

- Anyway! A ton of expensive jewelry. Maybe every single piece of expensive jewelry ever given to me. I don't even remember what any of it looked like. Some of it had blue stones? My lost collection is mostly made up of rings. I got some from family and some from old boyfriends. A teacher in my middle school gave me a Claddagh ring for strength, I think she said, but they're also traditionally used as wedding rings in Ireland...which, in retrospect, is completely fucked and funny, coming from a seventh-grade history teacher to her student. Needless to say, it's gone. Obviously, I'm no good with jewelry and I don't think it's too good with me either because my skin hates it and when I think of hypoallergenic jewelry I think of Claire's and The Icing:

Not happening, nickel free jewelry. You're terrible.

- A baseball signed by Derek Jeter from one of my dad's old clients. I remember sticking it in a closet in a special case made out of thick, clear plastic. Neither my two sisters nor I ever especially liked the Yankees or even baseball in general besides in the backyard, but it seemed awesome to have it at the time because I was young and thought Derek Jeter was a babe and had a Tiger Beat poster of him on my wall, even. Last week my dad sent me a text message that said "Jeter ball worth 6 hun min hold onto it" and these were my thoughts in the order that they happened:

- "why abbreviate 'six hundred dollars' as '6 hun' instead of '$600' or even '600'
- "i hope my mom has it somewhere"
- "i want to sell it right away and blow at least 1 hun on makeup alone. i need new foundation and lipstick"

which are not very constructive, nor are they at all close to the reactions my dad probably anticipated I would have. Seriously, though, I want to turn this

into this in Sand and some Internet bill money ASAP. I guess Jeter just doesn't have the same effect on me as he did in my J-14 days anymore, you know?

updates from the sniffly, sick front.

2010-10-09T21:15:00.001-04:00

"Once I met my husband with his winking looks, he was my only interest. Wild as I had been with John and the others, I turned all my wildness over to him and then there was no question in my mind." - "An Interest in Life", from Grace Paley's The Collected Stories. In related news, I'm engaged to be married.

Red Lightbulb

And of course bass is the first thing you hear in the song, only bass,
Can you pass that over?
It feels good to be here. I always need a chaperone.

How It Feels To

I ate a rubbery dinner and talked to my three favorite people on the phone.
One's mad that I broke plans, one sighs because I'm flaking again,
I sniff my nose and the last one is excited to see me soon!

Car Wash

Verbs, verbs, verbs. Suds are never not sexy.
My peach-painted nails are pressed against the windshield,
My eyes are squinted between them. What a luxury.

Belles Lettres

Your curly hair wrapped along itself like the simple twine of DNA ladders
Flowery girl, you are gone.
You are in control of yourself now, confident, hard-edged,
Self-serving, magnetic.
We two always go together.

my love.

2010-09-23T02:19:00.002-04:00

I finally finished this movie after letting it lull me to sleep for the past five nights. Look at that rubber face softly smile.

MUST LIST, VOLUME XXX.

2010-09-06T17:52:00.004-04:00

1. The new blueberry flavor from Dum Dums. If you, like me, are ever able to steal handfuls of these from your local bank, don't hesitate. Mass-produced candy often tastes like its color more than its purported "flavor," but these little sapphires-on-a-stick taste exactly like blueberries. Although they may not be quite as much of a superfood, they're still goddamned delicious.

2. Drinking In America by Eric Bogosian. Let's face it, we're all here partially because we're obsessed with Patti Smith and Lou Reed's New York. Sure, it may be long gone, but it continues to thrive in this collection of monologues, originally published in 1986. It's a quick read, but the canny portraits of diverse men living and, yes, drinking in our fair city stuck with me for far longer than the two hours it took to read it. Although the material got weaker and very repetitive after the first, eponymous collection of monologues, it's still absolutely worth your while if you like to "reminisce" about the city you missed by a few decades.

3. Split pea soup-colored nail polish. "Green With Envy," by Sally Hansen, is my current favorite. I hate split pea soup, but the mossy pastel color is unbeatable. I like when polishing my nails, which is a decidedly fussy and feminine thing to do, is made less glamourous by inventive colors like this one. This is for the kind of folk who like to paint their nails as much to hide the grit beneath them as to doll themselves up.

4. Duran Duran's lyrics. Having been smitten for years by the hooks and wild synths alone, I always overlooked what Simon LeBon was actually, you know, singing about. The portraits of privilege, partying, and paranoia are poetic (okay, so a little ham-fisted-ly poetic, but whatever). Don't make fun of me (or my alliteration) before checking out this excerpt from "Last Chance On the Stairway:"

I don't remember quite how I met you wasn't long ago
Just get a picture of the sun
in your eyes. The waves in your hair
Maybe it's something said in a movie
or you could've said last night.

Or this, from the perfect song "The Chauffeur:"

The aphids swarm up in the drifting haze
Swim seagull in the empty sky on towards that western isle.
My envied lady holds you fast in her gaze

It's perfectly weird, disjointed, and fatalistic. Viva Le Bon!

5. Menomena's new album, Mines. Although the lyrics are cliche-infested throughout the whole thing (sample: "I made myself an open book/I made myself a sitting duck" on "Queen Black Acid"), the music is inviting enough to make up for it. My favorite song is the single, "Killemall." It's an active song, full of pulse-pounding traffic sounds and forward-motion vocals. Here's Menomena performing it and pulling one of my favorite, simple percussive moves ever (maracas as drumsticks) on late night:

6. Gary Shytengart's Super Sad True Love Story. Read this fucking book or else. Consider that a threat. This is the perfect novel to describe the death of the novel, and I know you love meta shit like that. The characters are earnest and full and the world (and love) that they inhabit is painstakingly imagined. Get to it!

time is the simplest thing.

2010-09-02T16:25:00.002-04:00

I'm very into this style of pulp science-fiction book cover art. I think it's c. 1960s-1970s.

this is the best summer of my life.

2010-07-28T17:45:00.003-04:00

the best fucking thing.

2010-06-18T17:37:00.001-04:00

i don't care if you think animal collective is lame, this video makes me cry. people are so beautiful

words of wisdom.

2010-06-02T18:04:00.002-04:00

Now that I've had my wisdom teeth permanently ripped out of my face, I think I can post this short story I wrote in their honor when they were still in place and screwing up my alignment.

The Luckiest Girl in the World

"Open wide," he says. He isn't my dentist, though, he's my boyfriend, Andy, and he wants to see my misshapen molar. We're trying to show it to his friend Alex, who doesn't believe that a tooth could resemble a fossil (Andy's opinion) or a kernel of popcorn upside-down (my opinion). Either way, it's not human-looking, and Alex fake-retches in acknowledgement of this fact when I pull my lip back far enough.

The tooth nudged its way through my gum a few months ago, making my front teeth shift over one another in a way that reminds me of seventh-grade science class. I picture the illustrations in my old textbook of tectonic plates overlapping underwater. It's funny to me that my wisdom tooth has helped me recall one of the only things I ever learned about geology. I like to make terrible jokes about the tooth living up to its name, as in, maybe the next one that comes in will give me a crash course in algebra! My left front tooth is at a 45 degree angle to my right one, I could say.

An angry, low thunderclap startles me, and I pull my hand away from my face and gasp almost loudly enough to drown it out. The two sounds together are an improvised harmony of fear. Their edges, like my teeth, lie over one another. "You're so dramatic," Andy says, but he knows I can't help it so he pulls me close. "I'll toughen you up one day." "I am tough." He laughs.

We're skimming along the curbside, trying to beat the storm on our way to Evan's house. All our friends are there. When I'm walking somewhere, I'm usually just waiting to arrive, impatiently working my short legs too hard and being told to fucking slow down, already. Tonight, though, the ominous smell of a cool summer night before a rainfall guides me like God's firm hand on my back. Each step has become deliberate and sacred in the clean, dark breeze. Andy is the one pulling me forward by the hand, which has maybe never happened before.

I mention to the guys that it's my favorite scent, this rain-anticipation smell. "Mine is tomatoes," Alex tells us. "You know what, though? I hate eating them; I think they're disgusting." "Really? Mine is gasoline, and I love the way it tastes," counters Andy. "I could drink it all day." He wraps his two arms around one of my skinnier ones. It's useless to try and hug something too small, no matter how precious it is, like one of those little brown birds that are everywhere, or a mouse, or my arm. But he does it anyway.

We're nearing Evan's house now. Alex and Andy start divining who's inside by the cars that stud the street. "Lauren's here, that's her Jerry Garcia bumper sticker." "There's Ryan's Corolla." Cars are always indistinguishable from one another to me, especially in the dark, so I don't play along. Instead, I wrap myself in the privilege of inhaling the night's invisible calm. In a minute, I'll be holding a beer, shifting it from hand to hand as I hug my friends hello and am introduced to others that I don't know yet. Right now, though, I am filling myself with the twilight air. A drop of water hits my cheek, this little false tear to usher in the storm. Andy wipes it off and tries to shield me from the rain by holding his arm out straight over my head, as if it could protect me.

for better or for worse, this commercial is both.

2010-05-22T00:54:00.003-04:00

obsession, you're my obsession.

in the name of

2010-05-11T16:05:00.001-04:00

BREAKFAST BRUSCHETTA

2010-04-28T07:33:00.008-04:00

Or Lunchables, for the younger/less discerning among you. Whatever. The main things to grasp here are that I'm referring to stacked food, and within this, that I have a new favorite snack that you should try. Unlike real bruschetta, there are only two ingredients in this tiny recipe, but that just makes it easier for you to manage, probably. "I just wanted to let the delicious simplicity of the ingredients speak for itself" - every pretentious hack chef ever, and now me too!

Take one of these:

and top it with one of these:

(Note: These are dried nectarines, not alien vaginas.)

Enjoy!

transit romance // back porch video

2010-04-14T23:02:00.006-04:00

I was just going to write a little something about "Kiss Me on the Bus," which you can hear an oddly muted version of above, but I just discovered Back Porch Video and that seems more pressing. It was a kind of TRL of punk/alternative rock that lasted 16 years, beginning in 1984. It ran out of Dearborn, Michigan, wherever that is. Its VJs were high school kids, who were often cheeky fucks with bad hair/dispositions. Check the great messages running throughout the video in fluorescent colors along the bottom of the screen. "HELLO CUTES IN SOUTHFIELD!!!!" This rules too much. Peruse all of their videos here.

^ Here is my favorite Talking Heads song, set to called-in messages and self-proclaimed "wacky footage!!!!" from BPV. The best shout-out is obviously "Dad, be careful next time! Have a banana!!" The track is running a little too fast, but it's still great.

pigeon eyes.

2010-04-14T05:23:00.001-04:00

Today, the pigeons are content not to use their wings. They sit in the grass and see the park through sunset-colored eyes that look like the glass beads of my elderly professor's "statement jewelry." I stared at that broach all morning over rainstorm soil coffee. This day clings to itself. When evening comes, it's time for a drink, taken down too quickly like the medicine it is. My life is not a phase I'm going through, although I do bite my own teeth for days on end sometimes, all the way through every "Hey girl hey" conversation. I'm no good at saying things I don't mean, but still worse at saying things I do.

i'm becoming more economical.

2010-03-18T21:09:00.005-04:00

The smell of the warm air gives me strange, delicious cravings. I wish I could bottle the scent and ferment it with others I love - fresh tomatoes, Lilly and Nick's apartment - and hide them somewhere dark for a month to let them marry until they became my perfect perfume. I'd daub it on the parts of my skin that aren't covered with clothing in the summertime (read: almost every bit of me).

I've been answering advertisements that seek greeting card writers. Some people place so much stock in the sentiments that come in envelopes, and these people are my potential market. My family always kept a box of them in order to be ready for any occasion that might come our way. I rediscovered it in high school and noticed we had an inordinate number of "Happy Valentine's Day, Great-Grandmother!" ones. I'm talking, like, eight of those specific cards. They spent years in that shoebox. It makes a certain amount of sense - I mean, it's not like you can just whip one of those out every time you're going to a party, like you would with your standard "Happy Birthday!" teddy-bear-with-balloons dealies.

The oddly specific ones were always my favorite. I think everyone forgot about the box eventually, so I started mailing one card to my then-boyfriend daily. He got pretty angry at me when I started forgetting to do it, which was strange. I began to feel this sense of duty to send him "Congratulations On Your Bat Mitzvah" or "Losing A Pet Is Like Losing A Family Member" cards routinely. Now that's what I call romance.

I'll leave you with my favorite-ever photograph. It's of Anthony Perkins and Audrey Hepburn, who happens to be feeding champagne to a doe.

last night, i told the cabbie how miserable i was and so when he found my phone in the back he actually returned it

2010-03-15T14:25:00.002-04:00

I like black girls in red lipstick and too-skinny men. I'll settle for Indian guys with British accents and/or messy hair. I don't think I'm looking for someone to dedicate myself to because I already found the person I most liked to be around and we couldn't make it work, or maybe it just didn't work, period. We were in love, but he wasn't someone I could "share my life with." Isn't that a stupid platitude? They're all stupid, when it comes to relationships, but people still love to tell me that "it's just not the right time" or to "spend time on yourself." I don't like being alone, though, and everyone who knows me knows that, so I don't want to "spend time on myself" - I want to spend it with black girls in red lipstick and too-skinny men with blue-green-gray eyes like his.

obsessed

2010-02-08T22:41:00.001-05:00

i stole this from my friend's facebook. it's too good, and it's stiv bators minus racist music!

nothing is certain

2010-01-14T19:17:00.002-05:00

I'm writing for Death + Taxes Magazine now, so a lot of my blogging is going to be done over there. Here is a link to everything I've written thus far.

write me a letter, send it by mail.

2010-01-13T02:57:00.006-05:00

Soliloquy of the Spanish Cloister
Robert Browning

Gr-r-r--there go, my heart's abhorrence!
Water your damned flower-pots, do!
If hate killed men, Brother Lawrence,
God's blood, would not mine kill you!
What? your myrtle-bush wants trimming?
Oh, that rose has prior claims--
Needs its leaden vase filled brimming?
Hell dry you up with its flames!

At the meal we sit together;
Salve tibi! I must hear
Wise talk of the kind of weather,
Sort of season, time of year:
Not a plenteous cork crop: scarcely
Dare we hope oak-galls, I doubt;
What's the Latin name for "parsley"?
What's the Greek name for "swine's snout"?

Whew! We'll have our platter burnished,
Laid with care on our own shelf!
With a fire-new spoon we're furnished,
And a goblet for ourself,
Rinsed like something sacrificial
Ere 'tis fit to touch our chaps--
Marked with L. for our initial!
(He-he! There his lily snaps!)

Saint, forsooth! While Brown Dolores
Squats outside the Convent bank
With Sanchicha, telling stories,
Steeping tresses in the tank,
Blue-black, lustrous, thick like horsehairs,
--Can't I see his dead eye glow,
Bright as 'twere a Barbary corsair's?
(That is, if he'd let it show!)

When he finishes refection,
Knife and fork he never lays
Cross-wise, to my recollection,
As do I, in Jesu's praise.
I the Trinity illustrate,
Drinking watered orange pulp--
In three sips the Arian frustrate;
While he drains his at one gulp!

Oh, those melons! if he's able
We're to have a feast; so nice!
One goes to the Abbot's table,
All of us get each a slice.
How go on your flowers? None double?
Not one fruit-sort can you spy?
Strange!--And I, too, at such trouble,
Keep them close-nipped on the sly!

There's a great text in Galatians,
Once you trip on it, entails
Twenty-nine district damnations,
One sure, if another fails;
If I trip him just a-dying,
Sure of heaven as sure can be,
Spin him round and send him flying
Off to hell, a Manichee?

Or, my scrofulous French novel
On grey paper with blunt type!
Simply glance at it, you grovel
Hand and foot in Belial's gripe;
If I double down its pages
At the woeful sixteenth print,
When he gathers his greengages,
Ope a sieve and slip it in't?

Or, there's Satan!--one might venture
Pledge one's soul to him, yet leave
Such a flaw in the indenture
As he'd miss till, past retrieve,
Blasted lay that rose-acacia
We're so proud of! Hy, Zy, Hine...
'St, there's Vespers! Plena gratia
Ave, Virgo! Gr-r-r--you swine!



This poem, which I have just read for the first time, swallowed 
thirty minutes that should have been spent sleeping
(now thirty-five, because I had to post it).

Two famous literary couples that fell in love through correspondence:
Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning
J.D. Salinger and Joyce Maynard (whose seduction story, and subsequent exile
from Salinger's life, drives me to write frantic poetry)

Next time on MAB, will Amy finally learn how to format this thing?
Stay tuned to find out!

YOU CAN NOW MAKE MORE MONEY

2010-01-10T13:44:00.003-05:00

than your grandparents did. You can also drive really fast, and you can change your sex. You can find friends without having to go to church, and you can see movies in your own house. You can get pictures of naked people almost anywhere, and you can curse out loud freely. You can buy dinner in a box and not have to wash anything after you eat it. You can fly to any city you want and meet a sexual partner, or you can talk to them on the phone. You can have bright light twenty-four hours a day without having to clean soot off the walls, and you can listen to any music you want, anytime, anywhere. You can find people everywhere who like exactly the same things you do, and you can print your own books. You can buy vegetables from the other side of the earth, and you can build a house in a day. You can be perfectly warm or cool at every moment, and you can stay in school all your life. You can have sex fourteen thousand times and not have a baby, or you can junk it cheaply if it's the wrong time. You can write with pens that don't dry out, or leak, or have to be plucked from a bird, and you can hear about people being hacked to death thousands of miles away. You can see pictures through telescopes almost to the end of space and from the beginning of time, and you can keep milk fresher longer than ever before. You can shit in a bowl and then whisk it away, and you can visit caged wild animals in the middle of a city. You can buy things to make you see and hear better, and you can live anywhere you want. You can get your face stretched tight like when it was new, and you can be sick and not die for a really really long time. You can even wash your clothes in a machine so why can't you figure out a way to be happy all of the time? You can give us money, if you want, too.

Dr. Linn's Bronchial Wafers
Soothes and relieves. 25 cents, box.

glassy-eared.

2010-01-07T18:51:00.005-05:00

Hi, babies.

Would you like something nice, luxuriant, and completely free of charge?

I'm not about to propose marriage to the light show, but That Piano! I'm new to Philip Glass, and discovering his work has been nothing short of a fucking revelation, let me tell you.

See you when I get back from Armpittsburgh on Monday!

2009: The Lost Levels

2010-01-03T18:53:00.002-05:00

...and by "levels," I mean "posts." This is what didn't make the cut last year.

10/3/09 - Mystery post that just had the words "i disagree!" in the title space.
7/16/09 - The video for "Bizarre Love Triangle," with a quick note about how I love the way the protagonist's tie flaps in the breeze. Snore.
7/14/09 - A link to my friend's band, Dangerous Ponies, accompanied by a brief, shitacular write-up involving tons of adjectives like "cute" and "great." I ended up scrapping this because in it, I allege that I hate most of my friends' bands, and I wouldn't want to hurt any feelings...wait, oops.
6/8/09 - A post that only contained a link to a dead Geocities website. The URL hints that it may have had something to do with the Acropolis.

BONUS: THE POSTS THAT TIME FORGOT FROM 2008:

A creepy one where I review wedding dresses like I'm some kind of Candace Bushnell heroine, something about Dave Coulier impersonators, and a sneak peek at K-Mart's incredible line of sweatpants with abstinence slogans ("True Love Waits!") on the bum.

Thank God I have some vague idea of what I should censor from MAB. Let's hope for the same in 2010.

the best fake cereal name i've ever heard:

2009-12-30T02:38:00.006-05:00

Pretendo Mice Mincey Gimmes

submitted by Kevin Daviet, Boulder, CO

Honorable Mention: Care Bear Little Lemon Yums

submitted by Kevin Daviet, Boulder, CO

On pots of gold:

Kevin

lucky charms was basically blingfast

2:40amKevin

there's golden grahams, but with lucky, you technically had gold on your teeth

2:40amAmy Rose

it was the best part of the cereal.

subtle grills

2:41amKevin

grills in milk

Cavities?

Amy Rose

yeah! cereal!

count chocula and cookie crisp (don't tell my mom)

2:43amAdam

whaat why not

2:43amAmy Rose

too sugary. cavities and moms are total enemies.

frontwoman.

2009-12-27T12:33:00.008-05:00

Jenny of Brooklyn-based Dynasty Electric KILLS IT at every show. She writhes on the floor, swings from the stage, singles out people to seduce mid-song, and flails at a theremin like she's trying to explain what it is to people who've never seen one before.

Dynasty just put out a few new songs, co-produced by Ski Beatz, and they're phenomenal. Listen to "Bird Song" below (try not to be put off that the still for the video is me looking insane) and try not to marvel at this woman's stage presence when the video portions kick in. Hot DAMN.

Oh, and in one of the last pictures of her here, her tongue is barely poking out of her smile and it's all bangs otherwise and oh my god it absolutely melts my heart.

fa la la la laaaaaa la la la la

2009-12-22T13:40:00.002-05:00

SNOWBALL FIGHT IN TIMES SQUARE!

Amazing. I love New York. Happy holidays.

nineteen! once and never again.

2009-12-16T19:32:00.005-05:00

Listen to this:

http://www.aolcdn.com/_media/ch_music/the_long_blondes_once_and_never_again.mp3

I've been waiting to listen to this song on this day for three years.

It matches this:

Today, I turned nineteen and my mom reminisced about what it was like when I was born.

YES.

2009-12-11T21:48:00.003-05:00

MO-LASS-SES/muhlatheth

2009-12-10T00:56:00.005-05:00

Years ago, when people had speech impediments and looked to institutions to correct them, the schools would press records for the students to review at home - one side would have the instructor's voice saying words crisply and clearly, and the other would be a recording of how the pupil naturally spoke the words, uncorrected, for comparison. I think this was standard of practice until the 1970s.

I want a collection of these records more than I can even express, but they're impossible to find. I look for them sporadically, but have never found anything, not even a lead. If you're ever at a flea market or antique fair, paw through their crates of vinyl and think of me.

I think part of the problem is this: if you were the pupil, you're obviously trying to correct your speech and then exile it to your past. You'd totally throw out the record as soon as you didn't need it anymore; it's not like some nostalgic relic you want to hold onto. It's too bad that I want to hold onto them so badly.

Maybe I would finally listen to something besides Miracle Legion (not that I'm complaining)

You're far away from home, but never far away from me.

dock ellis and the lsd no-no

2009-12-09T20:22:00.002-05:00

Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No from NoMasTV

I love the animation in this video, so perfect.

NEIN/NINE

2009-12-08T14:14:00.001-05:00

Du hast mich cookie, that's good enough for me.

the vatican loves tupac and fleet foxes.

2009-12-04T16:00:00.004-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/12/04/tupac.vatican.playlist/index.html

So, the Vatican made a Myspace. I know, finally, right? It's true and official, believe it or not, and they've included two awesome choices on their embedded playlist: "Changes" by Tupac and "He Doesn't Know Why" by Fleet Foxes.

"The list was compiled by Father Giulio Neroni, artistic director of church publisher St Paul's Multimedia. He was also responsible for compiling the Vatican's recent Alma Mater album, which combined Gregorian chants and prayers with classical music and the voice of Pope Benedict XVI speaking in five languages."

This guy probably has the best iTunes in Rome; lemme get a Mojo address, Neroni!

must NOT list.

2009-12-04T07:03:00.003-05:00

1. Smoking
2. Taking cabs I can't afford
3. Googling food-related topics
4. Googling David Foster Wallace
5. Eating poorly, despite all my search-engine-derived nutrition facts
6. Sleeping all day when I only have classes at night (and sometimes just in general)
7. Not ever having a budget

If I decide I believe in New Year's resolutions, these are the potential candidates representing things I should cut down on or otherwise fix. The list is accidentally in order of importance (I noticed after I made it).

roslyn

2009-11-22T18:37:00.002-05:00

http://www.togetherindigitaldreams.com/2009/10/mp3-bon-iver-st-vincent-roslyn.html

Bon Iver and St. Vincent wasted this great song on the Twilight soundtrack. At least little kids will get down with this - and other misplaced stuff on that soundtrack, like Grizzly Bear? Thom Yorke? - instead of twatty music like Miley Cyrus, etc., for once in their lives!

my schedule for next semester:-

2009-11-19T14:54:00.002-05:00

Advanced Screenwriting (exciting!)
Communities and Diversity: Queer Cultures (with Karla Jay, yessss)
Romanticism and the Modern World (the only lit class that was open and kind of interesting)
Mathematics for Life (mathematics for strife)
Modern Philosophy (I took this partially to be reunited with the best professor at Pace, Ilan Safit)

Pace needs to offer Latin I next semester or I might combust.

one bag of assorted jolly ranchers.

2009-11-12T16:06:00.002-05:00

Right now, I'm reading a list of what convicts in Texas asked for for their final meals before being executed. A lot of it is pretty standard fare - double cheeseburgers, fried chicken, ice cream - but I keep coming across things on the list that give me pause.

A short list:

209
Offender Information
Barnes, Jr.
Odell
998
03/01/2000

asked for

Justice, Equality, World Peace

160
Offender Information
Nobles
Jonathan
885
10/07/1998

asked for

Eucharist - Sacrament.

157
Offender Information
Teague, Jr.
Delbert
849
09/09/1998

asked for

None. Last minute he decided to eat a hamburger at his Mother's request.

55
Offender Information
Santana
Carlos
695
03/23/1993

asked for

Justice, Temperance, with Mercy

You can peruse the whole list here. It's horribly sad, though not quite as sad as reading the convict's final statements, which are also up online, though they shouldn't be, and which I will not provide the link to.

My favorite request was from a man who asked that a vegetarian pizza be donated to a local homeless person in lieu of receiving a meal himself. His request was denied, but a lot of people took time and money to make it happen after it became public, donating over $1,200 of pizza to the homeless.

july - it never seemed so strange.

2009-11-10T12:20:00.002-05:00

Miranda July writes all sorts of great things. Sometimes, after she writes those great things, she directs and stars in them. She did this piece for Vice TV. It's oddly suspenseful and perfect. I think you might hate it, but why not take a look?

falling and laughing

2009-11-02T19:24:00.002-05:00

Bea Arthur's legacy is the gift that keeps on giving. Her will reportedly left $300,000 to the Ali Forney Center in New York City. The center supports homeless LGBT youth. She is my perfect role model in so many ways.

In more lighthearted Golden Girls fare, check this video of Rue McClanahan being overwhelmed by cats. You used to be my Romeo!

i was laughing every time they told us

2009-10-11T23:09:00.003-04:00

I've had the Ruby Suns' album Sea Lion for some time, but only recently did someone point out what I've been missing out on all along - the best hidden track I've ever heard. Their music is typically twee with African drums, which is why this bit of New Order-inspired synth-and-drumbeat perfection is so thrilling and unexpected when the track crosses from one of those sounds to another.

I couldn't find an mp3 of the song, "Morning Sun," that I could embed, but you can download the song individually here. You can go ahead and skip right to 3:40 for something that needs nothing, but if you want to check out the whole song, that's kind of fun too. Enjoy; I know you will.

we must, we must, we must increase our list.

2009-09-06T01:58:00.002-04:00

1. The new Phoenix album is fantastic. It's everything that doesn't annoy me about recent of Montreal, most notably in the vocals, paired with really catchy Strokes-esque riffs - it's perfect summer music, essentially, which was annoying to discover on the last day of this one. The first song on the album is about Franz Liszt and it's titled Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. They're so heavy-handed with the classical music references that they should have just considered a concept album. Also worth mentioning: I was reading up on this album and apparently Oblique Strategies cards were used in its conception, and we all know I love those.

2. Mindy Kaling's blog, thingsiboughtthatilove.com. If I were asked to describe what kind of person popped into my head when presented with the term "girl about town," she would be my perfect candidate. She is Adorable and has changed my perspective on screenwriting for the better with her entertaining allusions to her job writing for The Office, as well as inspiring the next item on my list...

3. These Commes des Garcons vs. Chuck Taylor sneakers.

The white low-tops are slaying me. I bet they're expensive; I've just seen pictures so far and haven't been able to bring myself to calculate the hours of work it might take me to get these on my feet. Somebody go look and report back.

4. The Millburn Delicatessen in the eponymous NJ town. My family lives nearby and my boyfriend and I had been working very hard on packing some things of mine for school when he insisted that we take our lunch break there. I am so glad he did (it was really hard not to type that in all caps, for the record). I ordered this marvelous creation called The Gobbler, which was essentially the afternoon after Thanksgiving on delicious bread (so important to the quality of a sandwich!), plus mayo. I actually just remembered that I still have half upstairs, which is making it hard to keep on typing, but such are the concessions I make for you, dear reader. Chris got another of their specialty sandwiches which was even better than mine - toasted bread! Thinly-sliced chicken breast and pepperoni! Bell peppers and garlic aioli and basil! If you're ever in the area, you MUST go, and you must eat in the adorable park directly behind it and feel guilty when you can't even part with the smallest piece of your sandwich to feed to the plethora of equally adorable ducks.

5. PHEW. Sorry about that, guys, it's just too easy to get me to wax rapturous about food. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about this great band I saw at this great venue and the funny story about getting my hair tangled in a guitar that accompanies those things, but I'm all tuckered out now, so I'm going to keep it really brief. The Smith Westerns stole the show from So So Glos and Titus Andronicus at Monster Island this past week and I'm pretty sure they're all Chicago high schoolers. They're cute and reminded me of the only people I sort of didn't hate at my old alma mater, such as Guy Who Wears A Button-Down Over A Led Zeppelin T-Shirt, Guy With The Straightest, Shiniest Black Hair Ever Who Knows How To Make Computers Sing, and my personal favorite, Clueless-Looking Metal Drummer. Come back soon, you guys, I want more mouthy ballads and minimal eye contact with the crowd!

change of plans

2009-08-13T21:04:00.005-04:00

I had a crazy dream in which Thom Yorke and I fell in love. As a result, I've swapped Radiohead crushes from Jonny G. to the Lizard Man himself. For the record, I'm about "Fake Plastic Trees" video-era Yorke.

To be clear:

This is my new dreamboat, preferred over this man:

Yeah, it's totally unlikely, but such is life.

WALKABOUT

2009-07-29T23:18:00.000-04:00

by Atlas Sound ft. Panda Bear.

picturesforsadchildren.com

2009-07-28T17:34:00.003-04:00

John Campbell wrote the amazing story "Stevie Might Be A Bear, Maybe" and he also does this webcomic that I wasn't aware of until seeing it on my friend's Facebook today, despite loving his other work. This one is my favorite because the last panel is what I keep having to explain to everyone.

aaaaahh-huh-eeeeyhhh-huh. this is not a music blog.

2009-07-28T16:44:00.005-04:00

DON'T YOU EVER, DON'T YOU EVER STOP BEING DANDY, SHOWING ME YOU'RE HANDSOME: A Step-By-Step Analysis of the "Prince Charming" Music Video.

0:29 - My best friend and I were watching this video with the sound very low until this point. We had no idea what song it was, we just heard some faint screaming and saw some sinister-looking dandies and a strange Cinderello and were mildly terrified. By the time the big-nosed goth harpist made the scene, we knew we were in for something really quite special, so we turned on the sound full blast. To really set the scene, imagine watching this as the sun rises in an apartment in a dark city. Too surreal for words.

0:36 - I think all the men in this video (excluding the guy who is basically The Crow doing his best Newsom impression) are pretty bangin', especially when they're done up in that New Romantic makeup.

0:57 - I symbolically accepted that invitation and have been trying to master the Prince Charming for just about a whole day non-stop now. My two male roommates were irritated at first by my constant replaying of the video, but I got them to try to coordinate their hip swiveling along with me and now one of us is humming the song at all times. You'll see the dance in its full glory soon enough in the video.

1:14 - My favorite part. Oiled-up abdominal angels! A fairy godmother that looks just like Anna Nicole (may that sweet princess rest in peace)! Bum swinging of the highest caliber, and tons of pointing! This, my friends, is how the Prince Charming was meant to be danced.

1:35 - BABY PANTHER

1:44 - Animal Collective bit this song's style clean off. Doesn't it sound a lot like "Derek," as well as some of their earlier stuff?

1:50 - That's right, get haughty with it, you know you're the most outlandish thing at the New Age ball so you may as well flaunt it. I know I would, Prince Charming.

1:57 - You think they'd have been happy with a simple double- or triple-take of Prince Charming's daring chandelier stunt, but I guess it impressed the guests, i.e. Girl in the Ill-Fitting Flat Hat and Diamond Necklace Ladies, enough for a quadruple.

2:09 - Much as this guy creeps me out, I love his very pronounced strumming movements. He smacks that harp around like it talked back to him when he had had a few cold ones.

2:14 - I honestly feel like cheering whenever Anna and the sex angels make the scene.

2:27 - You know a new dance sensation is sweeping the nation when it follows the classic sequence that makes that evident - one person leading it up in front, backed by a room full of awed antecedents, working as one glorious, arm-crossing machine.

2:51 - I really can't pretend I know what the fuck is happening here. Smash the mirror so that a muchacho can emerge, complete with fake beard? Then we have a bodysuit'd horror, an effeminate sheik, and Ichabod Crane. When I saw this video on TV, there was also a Godfatherly suit type that for some reason isn't in any of the videos online. Hmmmmm. This video's narrative is kind of understandable up until this point, but the whole end is a shambles. I have no idea if there's some kind of context I'm missing or if it really is as nonsensical as it seems. 1981 was a very freaky time, apparently.

Adam and the Ants own me right now. Get the album, also called Prince Charming, and bug out with me...but skip "Ant Rap." It's for your own good.

gust-kissed, volume ?

2009-07-09T16:24:00.005-04:00

1. Living in a bad part of town for the summer. "Describe Jersey City in two words. "Budget Halal."

2. Romeo Void - Never Say Never

Sunsuit girls must be discreet. Weird and sometimes-good post-punk. Opinions? This is mostly for the lead singer - I love her, I want to be her. I also feel this way about Sinead O'Connor. Yes, I WAS watching Vh1 Classic last night, howdja know?

3. Graffiti done in chalk.

4. Coogi dresses. I kept seeing them in store windows alongside bedazzled Yankee fitteds and the like and swooning, so a few weeks ago I inquired as to prices and was appalled. If anyone knows where to get a decent knockoff, which probably doesn't exist, get at me but quick.

In real life, they're just as ugly and perfect, plus Cosby-sweater-textured. Sweet lord.

5. Relish on hot dogs. This is a new development for me, and I'm so glad of it.

6. Morrissey. My new thing this summer is Morrissey, and possibly also The Smiths.

A picture of a young Moz. So solid.

7. The Nugget psychedelic compilation. My friend and I were talking about the Thirteenth Floor Elevators, and it launched us into heavy Wikipedia'in. Within that, we found this four-disc compilation released under the Nugget collection and immediately fell in love. We're talking swirly, fuzzy songs featuring electric jugs. We're talking bands with names like The Electric Prunes. So, we're saying get it here.

I really hope you guys are having a nice summer. I know I am.

you don't have to speak

2009-06-18T15:13:00.001-04:00

vitamins

2009-06-18T02:40:00.001-04:00

Being back in town has been something strange, to be certain. I have trouble with the process of going away to school, which nearly everyone I spoke with about it lent this permanence - this finite sense of loss of everyone and everything I grew up with - to, and then puzzlingly forgot when it was time to return for the summer, as in, "Which of your friends are you looking forward to seeing? Will you be working at the library again for the time being?" No one, no.

It's jarring to have my life narrowed down from living in New York City to my mother's home in New Jersey. I always either feel shy or devastatingly arrogant. These are my constants, and they feel so similar when they are alone with me, but I can tell which is predominant if I go to the supermarket. Going to a grocery store in a suburb nearly guarantees seeing a few acquaintances from the first part of my life. Isn't it funny how people spend nearly two decades in one sort of lifestyle and then grant that period equity with less than a year of a completely different kind of living? I know I lend equal significance to my time home versus my time away, which is how I'm able to think of my life in halves. Anyway, if I can flirt with these familiar mothers and guys who soup up their cars in order to live and old babysitters, if I can be vivacious and honeyed, it goes without saying that I am working under this peculiarly aggressive confidence. Conversely, my stutter resurfaces, which I think is both sweet and damning and just wholly despicable.

I fill my days with things that make me feel Very Productive when I am alone, which isn't as often as I'd like it to be. My home is partially where I get to be quiet for myself, but it's funny how much I try to communicate anyway, if I'm supposed to be telling you honestly. I catch myself gesturing so unnecessarily - gritting my teeth and sourpussing when I take vitamins, which are actually pretty inoffensive to me, applying lipstick, or widening my eyes as I stumble through trying to exercise so that it might look, to an outsider, more adorable than uncoordinated. Alone in my room, I am still preening on the streets of Manhattan so that that unavoidable subway notice paid my way might, against likelihood, turn out all right.

I do not miss anything nor anyone nor anyplace.

doctor, doctor, can't you see i'm burning?

2009-05-28T22:39:00.003-04:00

I wear Docs just about every day, with everything. I have black tall ones with a really subtle wingtip detail on the front and they're perfect, but I feel kind of guilty about not ever changing up what I'm wearing on my feet. The solution I came to was to find a pair in other colors/designs. Cheap, I know.

I want these:

I'm especially into the silver ones and the goose ones. I'm on the fence about the rose ones because they seem a little Hot Topic for my taste, but I think if worn correctly, they'd work really well. Thoughts?

the ending he chose

2009-05-20T23:08:00.005-04:00

"We fill pre-existing forms and when we fill them we change them and are changed.” - Frank Bidart

please read this.

old hat, pt. 3

2009-05-07T05:15:00.003-04:00

I'm reading Infinite Jest and it is all I can do. I'm smack in the middle of it and I hope it never ends. I love that he existed for a little while, at least.

"hot, hairy, horny, homeless."

2009-05-01T01:32:00.004-04:00

- Alex on what the 4-H Club's components are. It's actually head, heart, hands, and health, which is the sweetest thing I've ever heard, probably.

This picture is also adorable. If only I were a farmer's daughter.

ETA: Well, it was adorable, but now it's eerie because of the black backdrop of my blog. It's hard for me to tell whether I like it better this way.

thank you for being a friend.

2009-04-27T23:18:00.003-04:00

Bea Arthur Naked, 1991, John Currin.

Untitled, Lenora Claire, from her "Golden Gals Gone Wild" collection, date unknown.

Bea Arthur died on the 25th. RIP Dorothy.

Also:

"In 1972, Bea stepped up and tackled the the topic of abortion on her primetime sitcom, Maude. The two-part episode ended with Maude, the main character, choosing to terminate her pregnancy, and aired two months prior to the Roe vs Wade case."

god, morrissey's music videos are normally so bad, but

2009-04-25T04:13:00.005-04:00

I love the video for Interesting Drug! It's so good - the heroine is punchy and generally adorable and Morrissey makes a charming and, er, "heartfelt" appearance in the name of activism in the end. I am renaming this blog "Mozspace" or something equally chintzy because we both know that's far more appropriate than anything antediluvian. In short, MORRISSEY FOREVER (this is what I do after coming back home after an evening out, don't judge me).

Morrissey - Interesting Drug
by jpdc11

^ love u morrissey/brassy broad

why i would have voted for obama

2009-04-22T15:20:00.002-04:00

http://www.americorps.gov/about/newsroom/releases_detail.asp?tbl_pr_id=1301

This is specifically why I pressured people to vote for Obama in the past election (in addition to the DREAM act). Fucking stellar.

bonjour.

2009-04-11T17:13:00.004-04:00

Hi, I haven't posted recently because I've been really busy-

...actually, I just wrote that because it is the thing to say after a little hiatus, you know? It seemed like a good idea - there's a certain propriety to it. In plain fact, I haven't been any more or less busy than I have in recent weeks.

It's irritating to have little injuries in peculiar places, more so to me than your average bruised knee or broken arm. Those are okay because you know them - they're right there; you can assess the pain easily, take stock of it. They announce themselves in the same dull way of people who ask if you like their new haircut. Attention must be paid. Try comparing that to the minute reminders a stinging little bump brings with it when you (or someone else) bites your tongue.

I love this song, "Call of the Whip-Poor-Will" by the Stapleton Brothers. It's a weird little gem from 1928 that I found on the newly launched, insanely ultimate WFMU Free Music Archives. As I read about the song, I noticed it was licensed under an "orphan work license." That refers to any work that has no certainly identifiable copyright owner, or, one that is difficult or impossible to contact. I always informally called works like that "homeless songs," and I was really happy to find that that notion of abandonment had carried over into that phenomenon's actual and proper name.

a solution to all your (my) biggest life problems

2009-04-05T23:44:00.004-04:00

For many months, I've been consumed by a certain question - namely, "Is there a female equivalent for the word 'phallic'?" The people involved in trying to answer the question and I would ask people on occasion, but the best answer we ever got was 'vaginal', which seemed a little disappointing. Today, after a long time, I came upon the answer:

yonic (yo-ni), adj: a stylized representation of the female genitalia
(truncated version of the definition found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary)

Funny thing is, I've known this word all along! It just never occurred to me, as useful words never do in my time of need (as in, trying to answer the question "what's a really good synonym for ____" in a satisfying manner).

These are the answers that your girl is looking for in life.

this is a love letter that i wrote

2009-03-11T17:01:00.001-04:00

mask-ulinity

Crispy honey duck,

I watched this with the sound and my breath turned off just now, all the way through. I highly recommend it. I want you to watch it with sound and then tell me what happens. Let's pretend I'm deaf and you're my translator because I think that that is strangely romantic and also kind of how we already live. I give you - VIRILE GAMES BY JAN SVANKMAJER.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3947409811982396300

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Švankmajer

He is a Czech surrealist filmmaker who isn't dead yet. He founded the "Theater of Masks" in 1960 in Prague, which is such an intriguing name, but I can't find any information ANYWHERE about it. Doesn't it sound like a lovely thing? Also, less relevant, but do you hate that image of the dichotomous Greek comedy/tragedy masks as I do? I'm not sure why they rankle me so toughly. It might have to do with the fact that when I was young, it seemed like any "high art" play (by this, I mostly mean Shakespeare) was branded with them in the beginnings of the doubtlessly low-quality videos I was being shown in English classes as a youngster. It's such an idiotic mark of Cain - "Take this SERIOUSLY. This is THEA-TRUH, after all" - that just led to every one of us totally eschewing whatever followed it.

I love you and I'm sorry about tonight. Let's forget about it. I'll let you know about how my PHONE CONFERENCE (such a phrase of a teen who just wants to be taken seriously) goes right after I have it. I also have to meet with the head of the Honors College. Such a formal day.

Also - should I submit my origami to my poetry class or is that kind of asking for it?

Yours ever,

AMY ROSE

an argument for reading literature in its mother tongue.

2009-03-07T17:06:00.001-05:00

middle-aged men weep tears of cranberry juice

Translated to French:
les hommes d'une cinquantaine d'années pleurent des larmes de jus de canneberge

Translated back to English:
the men of about fifty years cry of the cranberry juice tears

Translated to German:
die Männer von ungefähr fünfzig Jahren Schrei des Preiselbeersaftes zerreißt

Translated back to English:
the men of approximately fifty years cry of the Preiselbeersaftes tears up

Translated to Italian:
gli uomini di circa cinquanta anni di grido del Preiselbeersaftes strappa su

Translated back to English:
the men of approximately fifty years of outcry of the Preiselbeersaftes tear on

Translated to Portuguese:
os homens de aproximadamente cinqüênta anos de contestação do Preiselbeersaftes rasgam sobre

Translated back to English:
the men of aproximadamente fifty years of plea of the Preiselbeersaftes tear on

Translated to Spanish:
los hombres de aproximadamente cincuenta años de súplica del Preiselbeersaftes rasgan encendido

Translated back to English:
the men of approximately fifty years of plea of the Preiselbeersaftes tear ignition

flesh canoe

2009-03-07T00:44:00.003-05:00

young red bird they're just natural feelings i can't keep from changing my brain's bending my wants with my rights are my friends still half right and should i keep them separate from me its unclear then i get a cold can i get a light there's a certain type of easy pace that's what we need to make it come in close i trust you your nose dipped in my sweat it dripped on your beautiful sweater kind of nice should i really lie with you i never know when i'm on my own there are more important things to do then kiss or sleep today we gotta wake up then i talk to your breath and we enjoy the air and i creep on your chest to the hut i have where i pluck a few notes on the strands of your hair and i'm singing to you what to do if i'd ask you to make funny faces with me in the mirror of the bathroom know you're next you make me feel alright are you just like me never gonna pick one kind of fruit like a mushed banana on your tooth and you like the sting of the cherry juice never eat an apple that's just one color young red bird they're just natural feelings like walking off to ride my bike or just bump into you i haven't seen you in a week or three days though it really bugs me its nice to find new ways to smile i keep thinking that when you feel sad you can't pout 'cause what this song's about is me singing i'm just wondering what to do with you myself and me naked in the mirror of the bathroom

hi-ock-en-paaak??!

2009-03-05T04:36:00.001-05:00

God bless you, God bless you. This video is ACE

we don't like your kind around these parts.

2009-03-03T18:32:00.002-05:00

West Virginian Democratic senator Jeff Eldridge wants to ban Barbies and other similar dolls because of the negative impact they have on children. He proposed a bill stating as much today. Barbies have long been criticized for their humanly impossible (no, really) body types and glamor-girl aesthetic, as well as their promotion of materialism (dream house, anyone?).

A poll on West Virginian news network WVUZ's website shows that 93% of people are opposed to the vote, leaving only 7% in favor (math).

I'm not sure where I stand on this issue. My instant reaction was to be strongly in favor of it, but now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think that laws should tell us what we can and can't have just because we can't make the right ethical decision all the time. Having the power of choice is what makes choosing the right thing so meaningful...

...still, though, fuck Barbie dolls.

this is how i spent my weekend.

2009-03-03T15:19:00.001-05:00

Why, yes, that IS David Byrne in a big white tutu!

don't use your culture for your mirror, pt. 2

2009-02-26T03:13:00.002-05:00

http://www.freedocumentaries.org/theatre.php?filmid=159&id=1014&wh=1000x720

Merchants of Cool is a fairly basic PBS documentary about the people who buy and sell us. It's worth watching for the section on anti-marketing, though, which is an interesting concept in and of itself. By "anti-marketing," I mean the kind of self-aware advertising that lulls people who are wary of being manipulated into buying things into believing that if a product rolls its eyes at advertising culture, it's worthy of consuming because it reflects a shared ideology.

The example that this movie gives is Sprite's early '90s campaign, but I find that it usually is soda that uses this strategy most often, interestingly enough. My favorite example, which I may have mentioned briefly in a previous post, is Ghost World author and alternative comics god Daniel Clowes's artwork for OK Soda that expressed the apathy marketers saw in the teenage demographic of the '90s.

I think it's funny that I always find myself disgusted when my culture heroes, like Clowes, "betray" me by getting involved in advertising - like they owe me enough to uphold my own stupid, pristine intentions about Making Art and what that stands for. I legitimately hate Bob Dylan now because all of the things he used to sing about feel so cheap to me after his appearances in commercials, etc. I know, I know.

meagan jenigen fucking rules.

2009-02-24T23:09:00.002-05:00

Bear Market

Ghosted Roots

Her other work is just as incredible.

don't use your culture for your mirror, pt. 1

2009-02-24T18:10:00.002-05:00

Party photographers - those weird, mealy-mouthed aspiring paparazzos flashing like beetles atop stacked shopping carts - need to fuck off badly.

I used to think that the ugliest profession in the world was taking and selling pictures of celebrities, but now that everyone considers themselves famous, those original jobs have been augmented with an army of creepy little underlings that are much worse. They mill around at parties that normal kids attend, looking to capture vivaciousness and youth to show the world. To what end? To try and get "big" so that people will begin constantly looking for themselves on their websites - to make money off of how cool they think you look. They try to sell us to ourselves - don't let someone else show you what they think your "image" is. You are powerful, and, yes, beautiful, and crawling around on the Internet to see who else thinks so can only undermine those parts of yourself.

Fucking ANNOYING little mosquitos - how irritating is it to be dancing or talking to your friends and have a camera going off rapid-fire in your line of vision? Let's refuse to have our pictures taken by those who aren't our friends; let's get over our vanity and rid our city of these vacuous little pests.

"i told you about that first and you told me about this first!"

2009-02-20T14:46:00.002-05:00

Really, really cool. I love the way this sounds. I want all Max Tundra's music, but recorded in a fun, bad way like this! Does anybody have any of his albums? This is the first song I've heard by him and I want to know if the other stuff he's done is similar.

Okay, love you, bye!

revontulet

2009-02-18T18:14:00.005-05:00

are the sparks that mythical foxes' tails shoot off when they flick around. It's also what I think of when I think of my favorite guy. He started a blog at whatsthatlatinfor.blogspot.com.

He's brilliant, so go look.

hey sandy!

2009-02-16T17:42:00.002-05:00

The theme song from The Adventures of Pete and Pete is so great. Apparently there's this big controversy over what the third line of the song is. It's commonly accepted as "can you settle to shoot me?" but members of the band deny this and keep the real line secret. Awesome.

Two nights ago, my boyfriend and I recorded this song together accidentally. Thank you, starfox.

Here's a link to a mix of Pete and Pete music.

don't tell me what i need.

2009-02-08T18:05:00.001-05:00

I'm in love with infomercials, so, by extension, I love Billy Mays. This video is such a gift.

oh, l'amour.

2009-02-03T13:38:00.002-05:00

If I had my ears pierced, I'd let my suitors know all about these in .04 of a second. Honestly, someone please get these so I can live vicariously through you.

Holy.

AMAZING HYBRID

2009-02-02T13:31:00.003-05:00

Johnny Thunders, of two of my all-time favorite bands, The New York Dolls and Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers, does "Born to Cry," ORIGINALLY BY DION (arguably one of the best musicians of all time, anywhere, I could go on for hours about it) for a French TV show.

"your absence goes through me like a thread goes through a needle;"

2009-02-02T12:55:00.005-05:00

"everything I do is stitched with its color." - "Separation" by W.S. Merwin. Hope that wasn't the case for you guys, har har.

My sister got me Sea Monkeys as a surprise, how nice. I love them dearly. It reminded me of this utterly essential, insanely ultimate Sea Monkey watch I always wanted in my youth. Here is a New York Times blurb about it (if you're like me, you just read that sentence and understood the two elements brought together in it, as in, the most renowned newspaper in the world and trendy Sea Monkey accessories, and your mind fell apart for a second).

So I did a little digging to see if I could find one, but instead found something that I consider great distances better. Here for my viewing pleasure:

THE SEA MONKEY FRIENDSHIP NECKLACE (my boyfriend is now going to come home to an image saved on his computer entitled "buy this for amy.")

My only problem is, it's a Friendship Necklace, and I would have to choose whom to give one to to match mine. You run a really high risk of having one of your closest pals feel extremely excluded, but I think it also cheapens the value of such a gift to give it to more than just one or two people. This is a quandary that has plagued me enough to put off getting it altogether, until I can decide who truly deserves this gem the most.

How is it that sea monkeys have led me to try and determine who I hold dearest in my life? How the fuck does that even work?

he felt that he was alone.

2009-01-15T04:52:00.004-05:00

Tonight, I've been thinking of James Joyce, probably because I just reread my three favorite stories by him: Counterparts, A Painful Case, and The Dead. All are tender and sad and highly recommended. Of his novels, I've read A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man which was very good (it's sort of worth reading for the villanelle Stephen, the protagonist, writes early on in the book), but not Ulysses (of course). Has anyone read it? I want to know about how it reads from the perspective of someone whose judgment I can rely on, not, like, Harold Bloom or some shit.

Here is a link to a page where you can read the aforementioned stories and novels as well as the excellent poem "Chamber Music" and a play of his that I can't comment on. And here is a finger puppet I bought of Joyce in Disneyworld three years ago:

just a minute, just a minute

2009-01-13T04:21:00.002-05:00

Maybe four years ago or so, my old best friend and I did the writing assignments on oneword.com every day. How it works is, you get one word and one minute to write about that word. I just did it tonight for the first time in I don't know how long.

The word was, "favorite," and this is what I wrote:

the best is when even the moon is sick of you, when the streets are wet enough to see that, too.

and I stand by it.

OH L'AMOUR (what's a boy in love supposed to do?)

2009-01-12T05:06:00.004-05:00

Anyone who has ever lived with or near me can tell you that I only listen to one album and maybe ten revolving songs at a time, with a heavy emphasis on one track, per season (about four months or so).

For example, right now I only listen to "For Emma, Forever Ago" by Bon Iver. The ten songs are, in order of most listened to are as follows:

1) Rattlesnakes - Lloyd Cole and the Commotions (the song I coddle, i.e. play upwards of five times per diem most diems)

2) Cemetry Gates - The Smiths

3) Sandy - Dion and the Belmonts

4) Where Do You Run T0? - Vivian Girls

5) Goodbye Horses - Q Lazzarus

6) This Will Be Our Year - The Zombies

7) My Lighthouse - Pulp

8) Alameda - Elliott Smith

9) Emma's House - The Field Mice

10) Kiss Me on the Bus - The Replacements

(Aren't you surprised not to see any Elvis C.? It's because I only have my laptop with me, and that has virtually (ha?) nothing on it. All my Elvis is on vinyl in my room, ugh.)

BUT I guess what I'm getting at is that it's particularly exciting for me to get into different or new music heavily because of my stubborn tastes. I want to like things! I just, um, won't a lot of the time. In spite of this, I've found two new albums that I'm clumsily fawning over. They're definitely going to be part of the next season (doesn't that make me sound like a moody fashion designer who wears the same suit every day of the year in order to make some kind of statement, yet dictates what everyone else wears?)

Throw it up for "Nouns" by No Age for being everything that's fun, especially the songs "Cappo," "Ripped Knees" and "Here Should Be My Home." Some of it is also startlingly beautiful and electric, like waking up to watching flowers bloom on TV. Despite the name, you can only like this while you're young and making plenty of incredibly fun mistakes, so please for the love of god get down while you still can.

get this shit before you graduate already

And I know some sticklers are going to bitch to me about how this one isn't an album, It's A Compilation! but I think it's notable that I actually like something else, so bye hater. Erasure is exactly what I want out of life, especially OH L'AMOUR! Don't bother listening to the shitty remixes, just go fresh with the original '80s splendor. This whole greatest hits album synthesizes (ha!) everything that my favorite music is: cheesily heartfelt, catchy, sweet, danceable, fun, vaguely sad, sometimes unbearable. All at once. Holy god, I love Erasure.

It's also fun to look at the structure of how the songs are titled: which are noun-of-noun: "Chains of Love," which is my second favorite, "Victim of Love" and "Ship of Fools," which is just an amazing title regardless of anything else, and which end in "me," a la "Lay Your Head on Me, "Take a Chance on Me (which is fucking hilarity in itself, wait for the rap breakdown followed by scat)," "Stay With Me." I get self-conscious structuring a sentence in any way that's too closely similar to something else I may have written in the same project, so I'm really bewildered when anything is this formulaic. Know that I'm not complaining, though.

what's a boy in love supposed to do (hint: download this NOW)?

Okay, enjoy this.

i'm king, and they know it.

2009-01-06T15:28:00.003-05:00

I have a new obsession. In truth, I don't have any right to be as enthralled by it as I am because I've never seen it in its original context (Teen Witch), but it's pretty easy to love it anyway.

PLEASE, for the love of god, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND WATCH THIS.

Wait for the song! Seriously.

I'm also way into people doing their own versions of the song, like this essentially perfect remake:

Or this beautiful piano version:

TOP THAT. Oh, I love it.

abstinence sweatpants.

2008-12-31T15:32:00.002-05:00

It's important to take a good, informed stance on moral issues in life. Understanding and valuing your positions are important when you're exploring a really complex topic. Unless, of course, you're dealing with abstinence, in which case K-mart offers these abstinence sweatpants to get your point across and influence others to feel the same way.

Don't they look like PINK by Victoria's Secret? Ew.

feed me.

2008-12-29T03:37:00.003-05:00

I read Summer Crossing in an hour one hour ago, and I don't know what to say exactly. I'm going to the library in two days to go see the original manuscript (I have to). Then maybe I'll go do what I dreamed I did one night and change my last name to Persons; maybe, maybe, by taking on his original name, I can take on his everything.

Now I want to write a book of love. I want to start it with the car accident story Chris and I tell every person that asks about us. Can I draw circles around couples that already existed? I'd like to tell about wounded pride, true-and-tried short notice, bagged votives that fill space in waxing days, mitten in glove easy love.

I guess what I mean is, please read Summer Crossing.

backhanded compliments, pt. 2

2008-12-24T00:49:00.001-05:00

Usually, as has been previously discussed, I love backhanded compliments. Last night was a different story.

I left the group I was with to change my shirt, in the middle of which this guy bursts into the room.

ME: Uh, hi?
HIM: You remind me of this girl I know.
ME: ...
HIM: I actually don't know her. She's from this videotape.

AIEEEEEEEE

MARRIAGE.

2008-12-19T18:15:00.002-05:00

I am all the fuck about this poem:

Marriage by Gregory Corso

Should I get married? Should I be good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky-

When she introduces me to her parents
back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie,
should I sit with my knees together on their 3rd degree sofa
and not ask Where's the bathroom?
How else to feel other than I am,
often thinking Flash Gordon soap-
O how terrible it must be for a young man
seated before a family and the family thinking
We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou!
After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living?

Should I tell them? Would they like me then?
Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter
but we're gaining a son-
And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?

O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends
and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded
just wait to get at the drinks and food-
And the priest! he looking at me as if I masturbated
asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?
And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue!
I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back
She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha!
And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on-
Then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes
Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates!
All streaming into cozy hotels
All going to do the same thing tonight
The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen
The lobby zombies they knowing what
The whistling elevator man he knowing
Everybody knowing! I'd almost be inclined not to do anything!
Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye!
Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon!
running rampant into those almost climactic suites
yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel!
O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner
devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy
a saint of divorce-

But I should get married I should be good
How nice it'd be to come home to her
and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen
aproned young and lovely wanting my baby
and so happy about me she burns the roast beef
and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair
saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf!
God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married!
So much to do! Like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night
and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books
Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower
like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence
like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest
grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky!
And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him
When are you going to stop people killing whales!
And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle
Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust-

Yes if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow
and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn,
up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me,
finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man
knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear nor Roman coin soup-
O what would that be like!
Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus
For a rattle a bag of broken Bach records
Tack Della Francesca all over its crib
Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib
And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon

No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father
Not rural not snow no quiet window
but hot smelly tight New York City
seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls
a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job!
And five nose running brats in love with Batman
And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired
like those hag masses of the 18th century
all wanting to come in and watch TV
The landlord wants his rent
Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus
impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking-
No! I should not get married! I should never get married!
But-imagine if I were married to a beautiful sophisticated woman
tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves
holding a cigarette holder in one hand and a highball in the other
and we lived high up in a penthouse with a huge window
from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days
No, can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream-

O but what about love? I forget love
not that I am incapable of love
It's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes-
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there's maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and-
But there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in a furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All the universe married but me!

Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible-
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so i wait-bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.

I know it's mad long, but please trudge through, at least, the first three stanzas. I'm not saying they're badly written, I'm just saying y'all need to get to "penguin dust!" and Rimbaud's picture hung on the lawn mower. My spouse, if I ever have one, will behave that way, I just know it.

OH NOETRY!!!!

2008-12-18T13:19:00.005-05:00

Guys, guys. I found my first attempt at blogging. www.ohnoetry.blogspot.com. When I was fifteen, I thought the thing to do was to go to poetry.com, pick a random poem, and pop off at the mouth about it. How Baby Teen is that? Make sure to check my completely arbitrary and confusing rating scale!

OHNOETRY.BLOGSPOT.COM

There are only two entries. I considered doing another now but then I realized what a horribly mean thing this was to do in general. Eek!

so tru

2008-12-17T20:21:00.001-05:00

INTERVENTION IN A NUTSHELL

NANCY WU IS THE BEST.

2008-12-16T19:18:00.004-05:00

This is not an overstatement. She's doing the most exciting things about design that I've seen in a while. She used to focus more on advertising - cool, understated logos for the likes of Revlon and Rice Krispie Treats, as well as other corporate unimportance - but what I really like are her personal projects. Check out this Chanel beef jerky purse. I think it is Amazing.

For me, it represents the dual meaning of the word "consumerism," and I'm way into that.

Another awesome thing that she does - something I would actually wear, as opposed to the jerky purse - are these incredible cut-up Nike Dunks that she makes into beautiful gladiators.

I would wear the SHIT out of the grey ones, to be sure. They're not available until Spring 2010 (whaaatttt) and they'll likely be Way Too Expensive for your girl over here. Sigh. But aren't they the most incredible things?

There are so many more beautiful sketches and projects on her website. Make sure especially to look at the Grapes of Wrath packaging.

nwudesign.com

notes.

2008-12-15T05:06:00.003-05:00

How are you supposed to write an essay defending homosexuality in the Boy Scouts when all your notes have to do with K Records? Seriously - the margins are all filled with them.

Baby Bee's Notes:

"Breakfast in cemetary, boy tasting wild cherry, touch girl, apple blossom, just a boy playing possum."

took a long time to come.

2008-12-15T04:12:00.004-05:00

I used to think that I wanted to be married, if I ever chose that, to Bob Dylan's "Wedding Song." I think I was operating under the mindset that if something states something outright, then it must be true. Whatever, I've changed my mind now, and I know that the perfect song is "This Will Be Our Year" by The Zombies. "The warmth of your love is like the warmth of the sun, and this will be our year, took a long time to come," and later on, "smile for me, little one," convey the sweetness that I want, and matched with the darling melody and chorus they're especially perfect.

Also, how sick is it to want your wedding song to be by a band named "The Zombies?" You don't need to let me know, for I already do.

Smile for me, little one!

holidays.

2008-12-10T02:24:00.004-05:00

What does everybody want? I want And All the Hippos Were Boiled in Their Tanks by Kerouac and Burroughs and a new nickname (specifically Bruiser). I want to give the best, most fitting gifts to people. Do you guys want to know what to buy my mom? I know she's pretty hard to shop for, so here's your easy guide for this year.

"i would like dior show mascara , not the waterproof. pretty kingsize pllowcases. nailpolish in the colors i like so i can take it with me to salon. guest soaps. pillar candles. black cardigan. oh, nice pj bottoms! YES I would love to see Chris."

I'm way into that list for some reason. I just like personalized, telling little artifacts like that a whole lot in general, I guess, especially when they pertain to the people I love.

1959

2008-12-07T06:11:00.001-05:00

Hi

WHEN I was fifteen, I liked this a lot. My boyfriend told me today that he thought I would like it, not knowing the aforementioned fact. Check yourseld before you wrekc yourseld

this is great

must list, vol iii.

2008-12-02T03:11:00.009-05:00

There are so many right now. I'll try to keep it straighter than narrow.

1) The Twilight Sad's version of Half A Person. One of my favorite songs (Smiths, y'all) played sparsely acoustic and sung in a Scottish brogue. The height of loveliness.

2) G.I. Gurdjieff. He was a philosopher who believed in what he called the "Fourth Way," which draws parallels between sleep and wakefulness and human consciousness. I know, I know, that sounds really hackneyed and overdone, but he makes it lovely. His thinking reminds me of reverse Buddhism, where instead of eschewing the trappings of societies and people to achieve a kind of nirvana, you learn all you can about them and completely take them into yourself. He says that until you've reached the point where you've gleaned all you can from what life offers you for consumption, you're asleep, and you'll wake up upon understanding all these little constructs. I'm butchering this. Google it, will you?

3) The Sexy People blog. It's all vanity portraits from decades past. This is my favorite:

4) The Indian Beatles. The dancing and lyrical content of this version of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand) is mystifying and obscenely good.

5) Long Distance II by Tony Harrison:

Though my mother was already two years dead
Dad kept her slippers warming by the gas,
put hot water bottles her side of the bed
and still went to renew her transport pass.

You couldn't just drop in.  You had to phone.
He'd put you off an hour to give him time
to clear away her things and look alone
as though his still raw love were such a crime.

He couldn't risk my blight of disbelief
though sure that very soon he'd hear her key
scrape in the rusted lock and end his grief.
He knew she'd just popped out to get the tea.

I believe life ends with death, and that is all.
You haven't both gone shopping; just the same,
in my new black leather phone book there's your name
and the disconnected number I still call.

6) Gourmet Ramen (wait, am I in college?).  I'm talking about draining
most of the water, mad teriyaki and soy sauces, cut up veggies if you got
'em, MAYBE an egg if you're feeling adventurous.

7) THIS ALBUM COVER.



8) Prince Street in general.  I NEED to go to the New
Museum of Art (I think that's what
 it's called?  It doesn't actually say, the building is just
a bunch of stacked boxes
with a huge HELL, YES sign in rainbow bubble letters),
I keep missing the open hours by a hair.

HOLIDAY BONUS

2008-11-26T11:45:00.004-05:00

God knows I never post anything that gives even the slightest insight into my life, so for you voyeurs, here's a list from my personal notebook.

THINGS TO GET FROM HOME [to bring back to school with me]:

skateboard
Lloyd Cole mix CD
cameras
Morrissey poster
sweaters
dashiki
jewelry
sunglasses
coat
fur hat
flapper hat
yoga mat
gillian blekkenhorst prints
blanket
lingerie
Sticky Fingers LP

what happened in december 1990?

2008-11-22T20:38:00.002-05:00

These people were killin' it. I have so many more gems, because how could I not?

speaking of comics

2008-11-19T13:56:00.001-05:00

Here is an advertisement Matt Groening illustrated for Apple computers in the '80s. So strange and awesome to see. This reminds me of Daniel Clowes's New Coke cans. Whenever alternative comics and advertising meet up, it's totally interesting to me.

you guys, i'm Totally Sad.

2008-11-19T02:46:00.008-05:00

It's because of Bloom County. It's one of my favorite comic strips, written by Berkeley Breathed. It ran for nine years, stopping about a year before I was born, but that doesn't mean I didn't get down on it.

Whenever I visited my aunt's house in Virginia growing up, she had all the anthologies of this and the similarly fabulous Life In Hell by Matt Groening. Both were probably highly inappropriate for me at those ages (I think I started reading them at about six), but they were wittier and more interesting than what I saw in the paper every Sunday (because how could the banal things Blondie or Dilbert do compare to a man who gets all his chest hair burned off when he brushes mascara on it to make it look "fluffier" in a music video?)

Bloom County was about so many things - Reganomics, Hare Krishnas, hair metal, aggressive marketing campaigns, fast food, and everything else that you probably hated about the 1980s. Its central characters were an alcoholic lawyer, an earnest penguin, a few sardonic little boys, and, most importantly to me, Bill the Cat. The strips would typically give story arcs to characters on a revolving scale. It was basically an '80s Achewood, which is definitely the best comic I've ever read. I'm sure this strip was a huge influence.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if anyone can beg, borrow, or steal a copy of Penguin Dreams and Stranger Things, I highly recommend it. This was so good I get nostalgic and sad for it, embarassingly enough.

Click this to make it bigger.

holy god.

2008-11-14T12:41:00.003-05:00

I posted a while back about Ed Hardy Ugg boots. I didn't think it could get much worse, but then these burst onto the fashion scene. Somebody needs to fucking quarantine the people who designed these before they infect more people than they've already dressed badly.

She looks like Eve Marie Saint in On The Waterfront. She reads Simone de Beauvoir in her American circumstance.

2008-11-11T12:57:00.004-05:00

SIGH.